So, we've passed ze halfway point of ze Clarion South. This weekend I got all dressed up for the Aurealis award, and learned that I still suck at talking to people in schmooze-for-all environments. Towards the end, someone asked me for my thoughts. I said "I'll gather my thoughts and explain later", but I very much wanted to explain to her that I had a social kryptonite belt on. These kind of things get me the reputation of being "stand-offish", when deep down I'm wishing people would just take one glance inside me and see that I'm not that way at all, that I really do want to come out and play.
It's all good, though. I handed in story #4, and I think it may be my turn to end up with multi-ringed spank prints on my arse before 1:30pm tomorrow. To top it off, I have a one-on-one session with Gardner Dozois (yes, the one and only). What am I going to say to Gardner Dozois without doing the whole "we're not worthy!" act? (more to the point -- what's he going to say to me?). But if nothing else, this will give me a chance to take a panning gracefully.
My floor continues to be awesome. We eat together, have random midnight chats together, we're civil, and we remain intact amidst rising tension and frustration among the clarionites. And yes, there is rising tension and frustration. I keep my half-grin and outer confidence about my writing, but I'm feeling the burnout as much as my colleagues.
Good night, and good luck.
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